Quick, vidyagamez frut fans, quick! Fruit Ninja is out!
One of the core principles in game design is FRUT inclusion. Before any game designer sits down to design a game, the first thought that comes into their mind is always ‘how can I get some FRUT in this game?’ In fact, in most game design degrees nowadays, a whole academic year is dedicated to the correct implementation of FRUT in the medium of videogames.
At the core of the correct FRUT inclusion principals is the Fruit Ranking Unified Table.
Richard Morgan, prolific writer of SCI FI and FANTASY has rocked the world of vidya games by criticising the stories of every vidya game ever made.
‘Bubble Bobble is a shit game because it doesn’t have a space ship in it, or a dystopian future vision.’ sneered Morgan while he wanked off over the directors cut of Blade Runner.
‘The characters don’t develop, there’s no story arc and at no time do they rip off the plot of a popular fantasy novel. It would have been immeasurably better if it was about a guy, right, who was running around a futuristic city that looked a bit like Port Talbot at night. Maybe with a twist at the end, like, I don’t know, he’s a REPLICANT!’
Morgan has been drafted in as lead writer for the forthcoming game Crysis 2. It should be noted that Crysis 2 has no frut in it. Crysis 2 is a game about spending your parents money on a really new PC; then seeing how many frames it drops while you shoot a barrel.
‘Games aren’t about having fun with a loose premise, they’re about making people read a story I’ve completely made up on my own and not copied off anywhere or nothing; that’s the only way people can know how fucking clever I am’ burped Morgan over a bottle of Panda Pops cherryade, completely missing the point.
Word up, FRUTCHUMS
Check this out – It’s a trailer for a game called ‘Fruit Ninja’ on the iPhone, and although we’ve not played it yet, we will be keeping a very close eye on this.
Absolutely breathtaking! Props to Smiffy for alerting this to our attention.
Next week Final Fight Double Impact is out on XBLA.
The question on everyone’s lips however is, ANY FRUT? Well, we’ve trawled the screenshot galleries and found the following…
Avid Fruitaku reader FIL alerted us to this super-fruity horizontal shmup on the PCE called Coryoon…
Serious amount of FRUT dropping here, our analysts have clocked the fruit per minute ratio as being on average 96 FPM. This is very high indeed! Let’s have a look where this stands on the Fruits Per Minute graph…
SCIENCE that is, fruit-fans!
Greetings, fans of videogame fruit!
It’s the welcome return of Fruitaku, which after a long gap of updates is BACK BACK BACK with more FRUITY NEWS and VIEWS!
This week, a quick look at the FRUIT capabilities in the reasonably new iPhone app ‘noby noby boy’
Let’s cut to the chase… it’s got FRUT in it! And no pulmz as far as we can see at Fruitaku towers.
After just a few minutes tinkering, we were able to feast our eyes on this fruity montage…
Magnificent! Noby Noby Boy gets 8/10 (could have more fruit)