Postal III is a game for twats about a twat. I couldn’t give a fuck about it, or its fans. No strong moral objection or anything, it’s just the only people I know who like the Postal series of games are actual proper tossers. Or children. Either way, they’re fucking dirty fruit dodgers.
Anyway, what’s all this about SCRUMPING?!
As this video shows, apparently you can scrump apples.
For those unaware of the practice of scrumping, it means stealing apples. (aka OGGY RAIDING)
Shame that you’d have to buy Postal III to get some virtual scrumping in. Still, fruits is fruits, and as such we gots to cover it in Fruitaku.
From our Japan correspondent; Brian Wankshaft
Hey sexually repressed Fruit Fans! It’s your man in Japan here, Brian Wankshaft. I’m a videogame journalist, I am! Oh yeah, you fucking bet! I like Videogames, Fruit… and THINGS RELATED TO THE SEX!!!!!!!!!!
Today, the hot news straight out of Akihabara is that the bananas in Super Monkey Ball look a bit like PENISES!!!!
Oh yeah! You betcha god-damn-ASS! Look at that, its so rude! SO RUDE! I don’t know what’s harder to believe: the fact that I’m actually married with a child or the fact that the bananas in Super Monkey Ball are vaguely PHALLUS SHAPED!
Oh yeah, it’s all KICKING OFF here in JAPAN! There’s Melons in Yoshi’s Story that look like JUBBLIES! I SHIT YOU NOT! And, right, get this… there’s games about TOUCHING UNRIPENED CHERRIES TO SEE IF THEY ARE A WITCH!
Fuck me, readers! I’m living in a SEEDY SEX PIT OF FRUITY FUN!
More hilarious and salient observations on slightly rude things that make your legitimate hobby look like an embarrassing teenage wankfest next time!