KENNY DALGLIESH’S PAPAYA MANAGER
SOLOMON’S KIWI FRUIT
BOWL (of fruit) CALIBRE
GOLDEN delicious EYE
THE LEMON OF ZELDA
RESIDENT EVIL 4 POUNDS OF POTATOES PLEASE
LITTLE FIG ADVENTURE
POMEGRANATE GOTHAM RACING 4
STREETS OF GREENGAGE
STREET FIGHTER ALFALFA 2
WHAT IS THE BEST VIDEOGAME FRUIT?
The most recent reader poll at Fruitaku, ‘what is the best videogame fruit’, has now ended… and the results are FASCINATING.
The winner by an enormous margin of 2 votes seems to be… WATERMELON
PLUMS and CHERRIES came a close join second, but to the winners the spoils… A LARGE VIDEOGAME WATERMELON
Looks delicious! Well done, Fruitsters. New poll soon…
Today, online comic ‘Penny Arcade’ rocked the wholesale fruit distribution world with an announcement of a new way to buy fruit, specifically their own fruit.
The popular webcomic ‘Penny Arcade’ was created in 1998 to document the completely platonic relationship between two lonely fruit addicts Gabe and Tycho – and has gained a loyal following of nerds with its ‘brokeback mountain’ style camaraderie and esoteric fruit-related jokes.
Disillusioned by the pricing policies of the wholesale fruit trade, they have announced a self promoted initiative to sell fruit to hapless nerds who rely on their comics to provide them a sense of validity to their pathetic solitary, humourless existence. This announcement comes shortly after they announce that they have finished making their very own fruit. Which they didn’t actually make, someone else did.
In a press release on their website, Gabe announced:
We have made a special fruit that only people who read our comic will like, so we’re selling it ourselves on our new online greengrocers – Greenhouse.
Tycho followed this with:
Hopefully we’ll get loads of money by selling it ourselves, and by slagging off existing greengrocers, moar people who rely on our comic stylings for their daily reassurance that they’re not losers will buy our game. Its win win. We get more cash from our fans, and our fans feel like they’re ‘sticking it to the man’
Penny Arcade hope to take even more money from fans by selling other independent fruit growers’ wares from their online shop eventually. Financial advisers to FruitStop; the main fruit outlet in the US said that they were ‘shitting it’:
When two grotesque people who draw comics of themselves talking about fruit in which they appear attractive decide to open up their own shop selling fruit, you know its time to worry for the fruit industry.
In 1993, Sensible Software released a special version of their popular football game Sensible Soccer called unSensible Soccer. Given away free on Amiga Magazine coverdisks at the time, unSensible Soccer was one of the finest moments in fruit related game history because it allowed the player to stage a game of football between teams of apples and oranges, with pears for goalkeepers!
Everyone knows that the review score of any game can be increased by 10% immediately by the inclusion of FRUITZ, so this magnificent triumph of gaming was so good it challenged conventional mathematics by obtaining theoretical review scores of 106%.
Unfortunately, the option to play as fruit was not featured in the recent XBLA release of Sensible Soccer, the developers choosing instead to add an unnecessary concentric circle screen ripple on scoring a goal. There are plenty of places on the internets that are content with celebrating homely, blitz-basic style rudimentary hardware effects in games, but this ain’t one of them. Round these parts, we like FRUITZ.