News just in at Fruitaku towers; the long awaited Grand Theft Auto IV does not contain any fruit what-so-ever.
A spokesman at Rockstar said
“Fuck, why the fuck would we put fruit in GTA IV? It’s a grey and brown game. Like Quake. Quake was grey and brown, and didn’t have any fruit at all. You know how much that shit sold? A fucktonne.”
“You know who’s going to buy GTA IV? Kids who don’t give a fuck about fruit. Let me tell you what kids like: they like guns, rain and cement. And willy-gags. You think we had enough room on that disk for fruit as well as guns, rain, cement and willy-gags? What the fuck are you, some kind of schmuck?”
Luckily, the radar on the bottom left of the screen looks like a fruit bowl. An admission of guilt? Only Rockstar know for sure…
GTA IV is released this month.